Posts tagged LIFE

A few of my things have been at Justin’s since I left him that letter. I got most of it out, but what I couldn’t fit in my dorm, I crammed in my closet there. The only thing he can still see everyday is my bookshelf and a big trunk. And the cats, of course. I would have moved it all out when I left that letter, but I had absolutely nowhere to bring it. I’m saving for an apartment, but in the meantime, we agreed that it was okay for my stuff to be there. 
Last night, he told me all sorts of things. Let his heart spill out. He told me I’m perfect and I always have been, he misses me every single day, this is killing him, he’s an idiot, etc. I just kind of listened, because I believe people should tell others how they feel. 
Then today, with zero warning, he told me I need to get all of my stuff out. He told me it stresses him out to see my things still there and I need to get it out now. He even offered to move it, he was so passionate about it. 
Fair enough - but he could have told me weeks ago. He could have calmly and respectfully told me. But he didn’t. He treated me like trash and made me the victim, as he tends to do. 

So Billy, Amanda, and I are headed there in just a bit to get all of my things so I can bring them to my parents’ house. I was going to go home earlier this evening to meet my mom and her best friend from Missouri and other family members for dinner, but then this happened. And I had to cancel. And now I have to walk into my house and ask for help to move my things in with a tear stained face and broken spirit. 

I hope she’s worth it.  

and now I’m curled up at the foot of the bed…

Moral dilemma? Nah. 
I haven’t the slightest doubt that this will soon be known as her “first marriage” and aside from SmashCon, it is also the day that marks a year from the first time Justin and I kissed which makes it an anniversary of sorts, and season 5 of Breaking Bad also comes out on the same day.
So dear half sister, no, I will not be attending the happiest day of your life. But, although I am the only one drawing attention to its inevitable downfall, I wish you the best of luck because fuck it, you’re doing what makes you happy, and that’s all that matters.  

Also, dear followers, her name is Ariel.
And I will always be mad about that.  

For those that asked where I moved to, I’m sorry I didn’t respond. I was just waiting to be officially in before I said anything. But now I am! 

So, I moved in with

Read more …

Stay tuned.

“Ashlyn, you smell like beer and you have sex hair.”
“You know how I be.”

I swear, my managers allow absolutely everything.

Things get better.

This never happens to me.

and I’m going to go hang out with them in Baton Rouge next week.
Life is really cool sometimes.

A really unexpectedly hard goodbye.
It’s crazy how people can come into your life so calmly and sweetly, and even though they don’t necessarily impact your life in major ways, they mean a lot to you. The littlest things, the littlest quirks, the littlest moments brighten your life. And it isn’t until you say goodbye for the summer that you realize just how wonderful those little things were.
That smile won’t greet me everyday.
And I’m going to miss it so much.

that I’ll be okay and that there’s nothing wrong with me and things really aren’t as bad as they seem and in a few weeks, this will barely be on my mind. Tell me that new and exciting things are going to happen, and that I will find a feeling of home in myself for the first time in a long fucking time.
Someone tell me these things? Please? I’m having a hard time telling myself.

but a burden. 
Something we have no choice over
something we have to suffer through until we are dead
and that nothing means anything real because in the end,
we do not matter. 

I think that’s when I knew -
I could never give my heart to someone
that I could not explore this beautiful life with. 

He will never be happy.